Oh hello. I’m Josh Gardner: 23, handsome, and incredibly awkward. Join me on my journeys won't you?
In America, do you make toasts with glass cups every day?
A little boy in Cinco Pinos, Nicaragua questioned me about our frivolous ways in the States. He admitted that he got the idea from watching TV. See and they say TV doesn’t teach kids anything!
After a flat tire and a lot of waiting I finally made it to the first stop on my Nicaragua Pueblo Tour ’10, San Pedro Del Norte. Perched at the top of a hill, my host’s Ermida’s rustic cottage wasn’t as rough as I was expecting. After a few uses I didn’t even mind the outhouse and the outdoor showers performed by pouring buckets of cold water over my head became refreshing. Who needs modern amenities anyway? Especially when you can still watch telenovelas from the comfort of your very own hammock.
I also got a taste for the meal I would eat over and over again for the next few weeks red beans and rice. The first few times it was heaven, but eating the same meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner is overkill. Such is the life of a vegetarian in a meat-eaters world.
The adults in the family and town were only nominally interested in me and my work, I think I’ve discovered that my prime audience is the 11 and under set. They seem to can’t get enough of my gringo ways. Ermida’s son, Jamilto became my buddy and we spent my few days there chatting about his school and he asked me questions about the States. While he probably won’t have the chance, I learned that Jamilto wants to be a photographer. I let him go around with my digital camera and he took some pretty good photos for an 11 year old. There’s also a nice shot of his crush posing suggestively in her mothers convenience store…
Do you dye your hair? Why is it so dark? I thought all Americans had light skin and blond hair…
A young Nicaraguan women questions my American authenticity.
It was a long arduous journey from Guatemala to Nicaragua. I spent the entire day travelling through 4 countries, crossing borders, and driving deeper and deeper into extreme heat. I was accopanied the whole way with the 4 Nicaraguan women who would become my hosts. They kept a close eye on me, making sure I staid hydrated and laughing at my misfortunes. When we reached Honduras, we got off our comfy air conditioned bus and continued by pickup truck. There were 5 of us and strangely enough the police will give you trouble if there are more bodies than seatbelts inside of the truck. Being the gentleman, I offered to ride in the back of the pickup truck, hair blowing in the wind, no seatbelt in sight. The police dont seem to have a probem with this…
I enjoyed the sights as we drove through green hills and little pueblitos spotted the side of the road. I was so enraptured I almost didn´t notice when we pulled over to the side. I soon realized we had stopped and saw there was a group of four boys all holding iguanas of various sizes. Some green and some with yellow stripes, all were bound with twine. Oh I thought, I guess maybe one of the ladies wants to pick up a pet for her kids as a souvenir from Honduras. As they chose the best specimen, I sat in the back as a one eyed kid appraoched me and tried to get me to buy his iguana. He quickly realized, along with all of the ladies, that I am terrified of Iguanas. I always have been. Ask Ilan, I hated his pet Iguana Zeeke. He taunted me with the grotesque lizard, as I jumped to the opposite side of the truck, stumbling over the luggage. After I escaped near death at the hands of a hungry Iguana, I soon learned that he would not make a new pet, but would be dinner. Apparently they are illegal to buy as food in Nicaragua, so they smuggle them across the Honduran border. They found our new friend a hiding spot underneath the drivers seat and we continued undiscovered by the border police…
Tonight everyone said goodbye and it was heartbreaking. It was just like those last days at Capital Camps, everyone sobbing, hugging, and exchanging addresses. As sad as it was, I have only one thing on my mind, Nicaragua. A few of the ladies from the program will be taking me to their villages and I have no idea what to expect. I know they live in very isolated areas with very little amenities and an unbearably hot climate. I think I’ll be joining the families in their communal sleeping areas and trying to avoid dying of dysentery (just like in the Oregon trail!)
Anyways, I wont have internet connection for the next week or so. Wish my luck and I cannot wait to see what’s to come…
Today was Graduation Day and while “Pomp and Circumstance” didn’t play as each student picked up their homemade diploma it was nonetheless an emotional event. Many of these women never finished school and some of them can’t read or write, so it was incredible to see proud smiles and some tears as they received their certificates. They’ve shared with me their stories and some of them will soon share their homes and I’ve been so honored to get to know these wonderful ladies. As part of their course, we offered computer classes and for many of them it was their first time laying a hand on a keyboard or mouse. It puts everything in perspective. Theres nothing like stories of extreme poverty to make your middle class strife seem like utter bullshit. I know maybe its cliche, but its true. I’m a lucky son of a bitch and my life is a walk in the park. A girl about my age told me there isn’t a phone in her town and if she wanted to make a call she had to walk 1.5 hours. I can’t even go an hour without checking my email.
While perhaps they are poor in monetary funds, they certainly make up for it in culture, knowledge, and caring. They’ve taught me the ways of the Maya Nut and I’ve become a convert, I believe in the Gospel that this nut can save the rainforests and many many lives. Today we had a Maya Nut buffet and it was delicious, Maya Nut lasagna, Maya Nut soup, Maya Nut souffle, Maya Nut cookies, Maya Nut cake. It’s enough to make one’s head spin. Not only is the nut harvested in a low impact manor, as its simply collected from the forest floor, but its super nutritious and full of essential vitamins. Take a look at me enjoying a tasty Maya Nut cookie sandwich.
Hopefully Ill be bringing some Maya Nut products back to the US so you can all taste how delicious it really is…
Tomorrow we are going on a field trip! We’re headed back to Antigua and then to the scenic Lake Atitlan. Its my last day in Guatemala before I head down to Nicaragua and I couldn’t be more excited.
Glorious greetings from Guatemala! After a couple hectic days of meetings and a 2 hour long trip to Office Depot in Guatemala City, Erika and I headed to the much more tranquil Antigua. A series of Earthquakes rocked Antigua to its core in the 1700’s and numerous buildings became nothing more than a serious of ruins. Set against the looming Volcan del Agua, this quaint colonial style pueblo has everything a gringo could wish for including a bagel shop and one of those o-so-popular frozen yogurt places. I was lucky to get the whole day off to wander the ruins and even got to have one of the aforementioned bagels. Check out the video I made below (thanks to Julie for lending me her FlipCam) to get a taste of this amazing place…
After Antigua we moved on to Santa Lucia for The Equilibrium Fund conference. 50 women have come from Mexico, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua to participate in the conference and share their Maya Nut knowledge. I’ve made plenty of new friends and even have a bride waiting for me in the Guatemalan Jungle named Dorkus. Alright, it’s an awful name but they’ve showed me pictures and have assured me she is an excellent cook. It could be worse…
I’ve arrived safe and sound in Guatemala and without a single sign of travelers diarrhea. Needless to say, it’s been a success. I’ve already been stirring up lots of trouble with my Argentine accent and Jew face. Everyone seems to get a hardy chuckle when they hear me speak spanish with my Argentine quirks, but that’s just the way I was raised!
Not only can I not escape my Porteño accent, I can’t seem to escape my Jewiness. A friend of the non-profit asked me what my last name was, I told him it was Gardner. About a half an hour later, he confessed “The real reason I asked you your last name is because I thought you were Jewish, you know because of the nose…” Is it that obvious! Did I work at the JCC for too long that they can still smell the stench of the old Jewish people on my breath??
I’ll be doing some video blogging (vlogging) for The Equilibrium Fund which you can check out on their facebook page. Check out my introduction below…
My plane leaves in just a few short hours and I’ve managed to procrastinate entriely too much. I’ve still got a few things left to do, zippers to zip, clothes to shove. But, I am stocked on medication, I went a little crazy in the pharmacy aisle of target. I’ve got something for every occasion, I will not be caught unprepared!
I’m still not to sure what the next 3.5 weeks will hold for me. The plans seem to be very fluid, we are no longer going to Costa Rica, which is a bit of a bummer. But I’m just along for the ride, ready for whatever or whoever may come my way. I’m bringing my laptop with me, to make some videos on the road, so hopefully Ill have internet connection to update this sucker.
Hasta luego amigos!
I love looking at the stats on my blog. It can tell me how many people have visited each day and most hilariously the search terms they used to find my site on Google. I want to share with you a few of my favorites
I find it hard to believe that out of all the porn on the internet, someone searched “big breasted women” and then ended up at my site. I mean have I even written any posts about big breasted women? What about “guerrilla farming in Texas.” I’m pretty sure I haven’t written about farming a rogue group of armed forces in the state of Texas, but maybe I’m forgetting something.
I hope you weirdoes continue to search google for your sick stuff and keep ending up at my site…
Update: After further research I discovered a post about a Hooters in Buenos Aires from September 2008. Myth Busted!
