I’m heading out on another adventure! Unfortunately I’ll only be gone for 10 days this time, on a whirlwind trip to Honduras. I figure though that 10 days gives me plenty of time to get beat up by little kids, get made fun of by locals, and suffer through a whole lot of pooping shenanigans. I’ll keep you posted…
Its been about 2 months since I’ve returned from Asia. It was so incredibly and utterly unintentionally stupendous that I can’t even sum it up. No anecdotes, no funny quotes. I jumped off cliffs, through rings of fire, and now i’m back right where I always end up. Silver Spring Maryland.
Even though I’ve only been back a short a while, I feel the restlessness settling in, there’s more havoc to wreak, more countries to almost get arrested in.
I’ve never sweated so much in nervous anticipation. I decided to enter the tiger’s den and all I could think about was that lady on Oprah who got her faced clawed out by a monkey. My own dog Yoshi semi-mauled my face earlier this year, would I fare better with a Tiger? Well, I lived to tell the tale of my cuddle session with three tiger cubs and even got to spoon with one of the little guys. Eventually you’ll see a picture of this momentous occasion.
You can check out Ilan’s blog for an in-depth update of our travels including details on our misery in Northern Thailand, our mastery of Thai cooking and more. I’ll skip to the big picture… we are on the way to the Thai islands for the next three weeks and if I survive the intense heat and sure to be painful sunburns, I’ll see you back in DC looking darker than Nicholas Cage’s soul…
My dad kept telling me that when he was my age he was doing everything possible to not go to Vietnam. Well my friends, times have changed because Vietnam is a magical place. Me and Ilan ate pho till we dropped, sailed through Halong Bay, and trekked with hawking Hill Tribe ladies in Sapa.
Sapa is an unbelievable town nestled in the hills of North Vietnam, close to the border with China. We trekked for three days around the terraced rice paddies and made best friends with our tour guide Tu. He was around my age and had an affinity for hookers and getting drunk on homemade rice wine. Obviously we got along great as we have pretty much the same exact hobbies.
If you happen to get Vietnam tv from your cable provider make sure to look out for me and Ilan. We got interviewed for a segment about Vietnemese hotpot. They bombarded us as soon as we walked in the restaurant so unfortunately my answers weren’t that insightful.
Interviewer: ”What do you love most about Vietnamese Hotpot?”
Me: Ummmm. I don’t know, I’ve never had it before…
Classic awkward traveler moment. Either way it’s going to make for some captivating tv!
It pains me to admit it, but I was beat up by a nine year old street kid in Cambodia. There I said it…feels good to get that off my chest! He was peddaling bootleg copies of Lonely Planet and other travel classics. I kindly refused and got a fist in the face. We’ll thats not entirely true I did egg him on a bit…
Me: No thanks! I don’t need any books…
Street Kid: Why not?! You’re stinky!
Me: No you are!
Street Kid: Fine, but after you leave this resturant you’re dead! (makes a throat slitting motion with his hand)
Me: Oh I’m really scared…
Street kid: Your going to have two black eyes. One here and one here
Me: I’d like to see you try!
And thats when I got whopped in the face… Needless to say I’m ashamed and embarresed. To add insult to injury another group of street hoodlums called me a ladyboy the very same evening and proceeded to point and laugh at me all night. A guy just can’t catch a break…
India was a dream. I ate naan until my heart was content and I spent the most amazing night under the Indian desert sky. Though it might have just been the Anthony Bourdain approved cookies that made that night…
After a rough 24 hours of traveling and meeting James Cameron at the New Delhi airport customs (he genuinely seemed surprised when I told him I loved Avatar, like its not the highest grossing movie of all time!) we made it to Cambodia. The temples of Angkor have lived up to my highest expectations and the throngs of Cambodian’s selling their goods just add to the experience. “Heeeyyyy Misstaaaa! Hansooommeee Mistaaa, you want pinaplllleeee???” As tempting as they make it sound, I usually resist, which involves a lot of effort and repeating of “no thanks!
Other highlights include a fish massage (little fish who feast on your dead skin) and a blind massage (blind people who give a good ole fashion rub down.) Who can resist such luxuries at Asian prices…
I know you are dying to hear the thrilling conclusion of Josh and Ilan get arrested in India. Well, it’s a pretty simple story: climb under a barbwire fence for pristine Taj Mahal riverside views and then resist leaving private property when unidentified man tells us to leave. We’ve come to trust no one in India, so we weren’t about to walk off with some stranger just because he told us to. But when a man in uniform (with a gun) made his way towards us, we realized we had done something very very wrong. We were escorted past a big metal gate to the police station where everyone seemed to be enjoying scaring the bejesus out of the foreigners. I never thought I would hear the words “you are under arrest,” but they flowed with menace from the mouth of the Indian guard. Shit. Right about then we got real scared. Images flashed in my head of Indian prison torture (endless spicy curry diarrhea) and an eventual rescue by Bill Clinton. Luckily it never came to that. Between trying not to pee our pants we explained away our trespassing and thankfully they let us walk away scot free….
Check out Ilan’s blog for some other trip highlights and a taste of what’s to come…
My flight got delayed and I ended up in China, we got arrested in India, and Ilan puked on the Taj Mahal. Needless to say it’s been a pretty incredible week. More to come later…
Tomorrow I head off on another adventure and I’m having trouble wrapping my head around that fact. How did I get so lucky? After barely doing laundry I’m repacking my trusty backpack, loading my new favorite tunes onto my iPod, and soothing my hypochondriac tendencies by taking a mobile pharmacy with me. I will not fall victim to the Delhi Belly!
I can’t really fathom what Asia is going to be like and I’m ready to be challenged. I mean they practically speak Chinese over there! I think it will finally hit me when I walk off that plane in Bangkok and Ilan is there on the other side of the gate and we run in slow motion towards each other. Gloriously reunited. If it sounds a little gay thats because it is…
I’m sorry! I got sucked back into the United States of Lazy and just could’t motivate myself to wrap up my journey. But with my trip to Asia only a week away, I need to clean the slate. So without further ado I give you the conclusion of The Awkward Traveler in Nicaragua…
I weaseled a few vacation days into my busy schedule of volunteering and I chose to visit the Island of Ometepe for a few days. After avoiding a crazy 9/11 conspiracy spouting Argentine and a bout of seasickness I arrived by boat on this incredible island. Not going to lie, I didn’t have a guide book and I was completely lost, with no idea of where to go and what to do. Safe to say I’ll never leave home without my Lonely Planet again. But, as I walked down the dock looking utterly confused and lost, a group of girls plucked me from obscurity (or sensed my desperation) and invited me to go with them to an isolated hang out on the other side of the island.
We became fast friends and bonded over sunset with our shared love for “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” We decided to cut costs for the night and sleep in hammocks for the low price of $3. Our imagined savings were spent on dinner and plenty of icy cold beer. This is what I love about traveling. I love the backpacker scene, comparing where you’ve been and sharing crazy road stories and I was sad I only had a few days to do the “backpacker thing” in Nicaragua.
After downing plenty liquid courage we decided to go for a skinny dip and it was liberating my friends… (if your an avid reader of my blog, you’ll remember I have an affinity for nude swimming) With the clearest sky I’ve ever seen and plenty of shooting stars, we plunged into the dark lake water, no clothes and no shame. As tends to happen when intoxicated and nude, the conversation turned to ghosts. I got so scared I popped my clothes back on, I didn’t want those ghosts to catch me in my birthday suit!
My quick vacation within a vacation concluded with a treacherous kayak trip to Monkey Island. Those monkeys mean business and they were not the most gracious hosts. After nearly getting jumped by an angry little guy, we got the message and set sail back to our humble Island abode…
