The Awkward Traveler

Thanksgiving, a time for awkward family hugs, wine, and old friends. My long weekend was filled with all of the aforementioned holiday accouterments. Wednesday night started things off with a bang with my 5 year high school reunion. What an overwhelming experience. Each conversation was exactly the same. “What are you up to?” “Wow, that is so great.” I could only get so far until silence came upon me and my old classmate and than I moved onto the next one.  But in the end it was hilarious to see everyone even if I had nothing to say to them and all the booze didn’t hurt. I honestly am looking forward to the 10 year reunion.

It was my first Thanksgiving as a vegetarian and I only missed eating Turkey a little bit. Below you can check out the Gardner family portrait. Now thats what I call a good looking group.

Photo by Jason Gardner, professional photographer

My daily metro rides usually go without note. Read the Express in the morning then fall asleep. People watch on the way home until the train empties and then fall asleep. But, the other week on the ride home someone interrupted my sleep schedule when they started ranting about Jesus. You know the type, he used to sin, have pre-marital sex, drink and do drugs until he found Jesus and now he spreads the good word.

Well today he popped up on my train again, he was gearing up to start his sermon when i shouted out “Oh, hey I know you!” He came and sat down next to me. “You Jewish?” he presumed as he slumped his arm on my knee. “Well, yeah actually I am, I have a Jew face I know.”  But instead of agreeing that I have a jewy face he simply stated “No, I saw it in your spirit.”

He went on to tell me he’s Jewish, let’s ignore the fact that he’s from Africa and then when I later asked him if he was really Jewish he said no. He does have a Hebrew name though. He also prays for Israel everyday. In the end we came to the agreement that Jesus saved his life and that I believed that Jesus saved his life, though not in Jesus himself. He told me this made us one and that he loved me.

We arrived at Glenmont, shook hands and went our ways, but not before he let me know that Jesus would visit me soon. I said “I’ll be waiting.”

Another Sunday at the office. With long hours and high stress one can get a little hungry. Working for a film festival does have its perks, mainly some free popcorn. I went to the microwave and set the time for 3:45. After many years of perfecting microwave popcorn I have found this to be the perfect time. The package always says 2 to 5 minutes, thats such a huge differential, but 3:45 always does the trick.

I set the microwave to my trusty time and walked away, answered some emails and a few minutes later walked out into the hallway. BAM! There was smoke everyone, as I ran to the microwave, smoke was blowing out of the bag like a middle school science fair volcano. My eyes watered with the burnt butter popcorn smokiness. I ran like a kid in trouble to my boss terrified that I was responsible for burning down the DCJCC.

Luckily, the alarm didn’t ring and the sprinklers didn’t go off. Nonetheless, when I show up to work tomorrow I will have to answer for that awful smell…

Metromix has somehow nominated my office as the coolest office in DC. If we win the contest we will get a sweetass holiday party. So do me a favor and go vote!

As unlikely as it may seem, here is how they describe my workplace:

Their office is pretty much as quirky as the hit TV show, “The Office.” Plus, they have a theatre on-site and are encouraged to watch matinee’s during the work day as well as taking take three hour long trips to Costco to buy cases of beer and tons of food for their programs.

This weekend was a blast from the past, just like the Brendan Frasier movie. I made a pilgrimage to my alma mater, the University of Maryland. I took shots of cheap vodka from plastic bottles and chased them with exotic and un-natural juice like mango-peach-berry. I ordered DP Dough. I went to a concert at Cole Field House and got knocked around by grinding freshman.

It felt like I entered an alternate universe, one entirely familiar yet distant. I walked through campus with a sad nostalgia and the constant need to say sentences like “When I went here” and “God I’m old.”

Sometimes I realize I’m 23 and almost 2 years out of college and panic and then I think at least I’m not 30…

A year ago I was just getting used to the idea of kissing strangers: old people, young people, men and women…I’m of course referring to the Latino cheek kiss. But now back in the States I’m finding myself disappointed, every greeting and goodbye is lacking. I miss the awkwardness, sometimes glasses clanking, sometime getting too much mouth and not enough cheek. A simple wave will just not do, so if we happen to be hanging out or even just meet on the street, when we say goodbye lean in for the kiss…you know you want to.

Well what do you know… One week after I buy my website, someone buys theawkwardtraveler.com and starts a new blog and already has a Facebook fan page. I guess they say “imitation is the finest form of flattery” but come on!

This will not stand! There is only room for one Awkward Traveler and it is obviously me. Maybe we should start a petition, call the authorities, notify the blogosphere?

You know you’ve got a good friend when he drunk dials you from Thailand just to shoot the shit.