The Awkward Traveler

Tonight everyone said goodbye and it was heartbreaking. It was just like those last days at Capital Camps, everyone sobbing, hugging, and exchanging addresses. As sad as it was, I have only one thing on my mind, Nicaragua. A few of the ladies from the program will be taking me to their villages and I have no idea what to expect. I know they live in very isolated areas with very little amenities and an unbearably hot climate. I think I’ll be joining the families in their communal sleeping areas and trying to avoid dying of dysentery (just like in the Oregon trail!)

Anyways, I wont have internet connection for the next week or so. Wish my luck and I cannot wait to see what’s to come…

Today was Graduation Day and while “Pomp and Circumstance” didn’t play as each student picked up their homemade diploma it was nonetheless an emotional event. Many of these women never finished school and some of them can’t read or write, so it was incredible to see proud smiles and some tears as they received their certificates. They’ve shared with me their stories and some of them will soon share their homes and I’ve been so honored to get to know these wonderful ladies. As part of their course, we offered computer classes and for many of them it was their first time laying a hand on a keyboard or mouse. It puts everything in perspective. Theres nothing like stories of extreme poverty to make your middle class strife seem like utter bullshit. I know maybe its cliche, but its true. I’m a lucky son of a bitch and my life is a walk in the park. A girl about my age told me there isn’t a phone in her town and if she wanted to make a call she had to walk 1.5 hours. I can’t even go an hour without checking my email.

While perhaps they are poor in monetary funds, they certainly make up for it in culture, knowledge, and caring. They’ve taught me the ways of the Maya Nut and I’ve become a convert, I believe in the Gospel that this nut can save the rainforests and many many lives. Today we had a Maya Nut buffet and it was delicious, Maya Nut lasagna, Maya Nut soup, Maya Nut souffle, Maya Nut cookies, Maya Nut cake. It’s enough to make one’s head spin. Not only is the nut harvested in a low impact manor, as its simply collected from the forest floor, but its super nutritious and full of essential vitamins. Take a look at me enjoying a tasty Maya Nut cookie sandwich.

Hopefully Ill be bringing some Maya Nut products back to the US so you can all taste how delicious it really is…

Tomorrow we are going on a field trip! We’re headed back to Antigua and then to the scenic Lake Atitlan. Its my last day in Guatemala before I head down to Nicaragua and I couldn’t be more excited.

Glorious greetings from Guatemala! After a couple hectic days of meetings and a 2 hour long trip to Office Depot in Guatemala City, Erika and I headed to the much more tranquil Antigua. A series of Earthquakes rocked Antigua to its core in the 1700’s and numerous buildings became nothing more than a serious of ruins. Set against the looming Volcan del Agua, this quaint colonial style pueblo has everything a gringo could wish for including a bagel shop and one of those o-so-popular frozen yogurt places. I was lucky to get the whole day off to wander the ruins and even got to have one of the aforementioned bagels. Check out the video I made below (thanks to Julie for lending me her FlipCam) to get a taste of this amazing place…

After Antigua we moved on to Santa Lucia for The Equilibrium Fund conference. 50 women have come from Mexico, El Salvador, Guatemala, Honduras, and Nicaragua to participate in the conference and share their Maya Nut knowledge. I’ve made plenty of new friends and even have a bride waiting for me in the Guatemalan Jungle named Dorkus. Alright, it’s an awful name but they’ve showed me pictures and have assured me she is an excellent cook. It could be worse…

I’ve arrived safe and sound in Guatemala and without a single sign of travelers diarrhea. Needless to say, it’s been a success. I’ve already been stirring up lots of trouble with my Argentine accent and Jew face. Everyone seems to get a hardy chuckle when they hear me speak spanish with my Argentine quirks, but that’s just the way I was raised!

Not only can I not escape my Porteño accent, I can’t seem to escape my Jewiness. A friend of the non-profit asked me what my last name was, I told him it was Gardner. About a half an hour later, he confessed “The real reason I asked you your last name is because I thought you were Jewish, you know because of the nose…” Is it that obvious! Did I work at the JCC for too long that they can still smell the stench of the old Jewish people on my breath??

I’ll be doing some video blogging (vlogging) for The Equilibrium Fund which you can check out on their facebook page. Check out my introduction below…

My plane leaves in just a few short hours and I’ve managed to procrastinate entriely too much. I’ve still got a few things left to do, zippers to zip, clothes to shove. But, I am stocked on medication, I went a little crazy in the pharmacy aisle of target. I’ve got something for every occasion, I will not be caught unprepared!

I’m still not to sure what the next 3.5 weeks will hold for me. The plans seem to be very fluid, we are no longer going to Costa Rica, which is a bit of a bummer. But I’m just along for the ride, ready for whatever or whoever may come my way. I’m bringing my laptop with me, to make some videos on the road, so hopefully Ill have internet connection to update this sucker.

Hasta luego amigos!

I love looking at the stats on my blog. It can tell me how many people have visited each day and most hilariously the search terms they used to find my site on Google. I want to share with you a few of my favorites

• awkward traveler
• nazi bbq sauce
• big breasted women
• i am awkward when saying goodbye
• bigest breast women in world
• guerrilla farming in texas
• organic volunteer el bolson argentina
• hot big breasted women

I find it hard to believe that out of all the porn on the internet, someone searched “big breasted women” and then ended up at my site. I mean have I even written any posts about big breasted women? What about “guerrilla farming in Texas.” I’m pretty sure I haven’t written about farming a rogue group of armed forces in the state of Texas, but maybe I’m forgetting something.

I hope you weirdoes continue to search google for your sick stuff and keep ending up at my site…

Update: After further research I discovered a post about a Hooters in Buenos Aires from September 2008. Myth Busted!

Alright. I know this is late, but being jobless has turned me into a lazy slug. I can’t motivate myself to do anything besides alternate from the TV to the computer. Luckily I’ll be on the road in less than a week and be forced out of my lazy stupor.

Anyways, I spent last weekend in New York City, also known as the Big Apple and the city that never sleeps. I was looking for an excuse to get out of the house, visit some friends, and just explore. I’ve spent a decent amount of time in New York, but I really felt like I got a better grasp on the mammoth than ever before. I made it to two new Boroughs, Brooklyn and the Bronx. I took the Subway all by myself and even got to witness the infamous 4 am crazies who come out to make the yuppy drunkards feel uncomfortable. However, my experience in the Bronx was painfully more uncomfortable. I made the 10 block freezing walk to the Subway stop at 3 am. I don’t know if you’ve ever been in the Bronx at 3 am but it is scary. I saw someone running with a baseball bat! I don’t think they were going to be hitting any balls with that! Or maybe thats exactly what they’d be doing…Ouch!

Sometimes life throws a surprise your direction and you can’t do anything but go along for the ride. I’d been terribly worried that my two transition months before backbacking in Asia would be marred by intense boredom. But, little did I know, an incredible oppurtunity was around the corner.

My good friend and past travel buddy, Maya, had been sporadically talking to me about a Non-Profit based out of her small town in Colorado for months now. The organization teaches rural and indigenous women in Central America to provide for their familes through the nutrition, processing and propagation of the local Maya Nut. The organization perfectly aligns with all my interests: Latin America, agriculture, and the environment.

Yesterday she emails me that she thinks they might actually need a volunteer to accompany the Program Director to Central America. “Damn, how sweet would that be,” I thought. Within the evening I had agreed to go to Guatemala, Nicaragua, and Costa Rica. I’m not getting paid, but they’re providing air fare and living expenses. It all happened so fast and it was so exciting, I’m not sure I can tell you what I’ll be doing there. There will be some conferences, an important meeting, and I’ll be living for two weeks with an Indigenous community at the base of a Volcano in Nicaragua. But, what more do I really need to know?

I’m leaving in 2 weeks and I’ll spend a little less than a month down there, before returning to the States on February 15th and then I’ll have another 2 weeks before I leave for Thailand on March 1st. I think 2010 is going to be my year! Things have just begun to get Awkward my friends…

PS. The woman I’m going with is a CNN Hero. Check out her video below:

Ah New Year’s Eve. A time honored tradition. The ball drops, someone will make a toast, and probably someone will drink to much an end up puking. Nevertheless, I think NYE has turned into my favorite day of the year.

1. I love countdowns
2. I love champagne
3. I love forced kisses when the clock hits midnight

As cheesy at sounds, when we start to countdown, those 10 seconds are the most carefree of the year. Maybe its because those are 10 pretty drunk seconds. But I think its because they make me feel like anything is possible. Our resolutions have yet to be broken and our hopes our high.

Cheers to 2010!