The Awkward Traveler

I’ve never sweated so much in nervous anticipation. I decided to enter the tiger’s den and all I could think about was that lady on Oprah who got her faced clawed out by a monkey. My own dog Yoshi semi-mauled my face earlier this year, would I fare better with a Tiger? Well, I lived to tell the tale of my cuddle session with three tiger cubs and even got to spoon with one of the little guys. Eventually you’ll see a picture of this momentous occasion.

You can check out Ilan’s blog for an in-depth update of our travels including details on our misery in Northern Thailand, our mastery of Thai cooking and more. I’ll skip to the big picture… we are on the way to the Thai islands for the next three weeks and if I survive the intense heat and sure to be painful sunburns, I’ll see you back in DC looking darker than Nicholas Cage’s soul…

My dad kept telling me that when he was my age he was doing everything possible to not go to Vietnam. Well my friends, times have changed because Vietnam is a magical place. Me and Ilan ate pho till we dropped, sailed through Halong Bay, and trekked with hawking Hill Tribe ladies in Sapa.

Sapa is an unbelievable town nestled in the hills of North Vietnam, close to the border with China. We trekked for three days around the terraced rice paddies and made best friends with our tour guide Tu. He was around my age and had an affinity for hookers and getting drunk on homemade rice wine. Obviously we got along great as we have pretty much the same exact hobbies.

If you happen to get Vietnam tv from your cable provider make sure to look out for me and Ilan. We got interviewed for a segment about Vietnemese hotpot. They bombarded us as soon as we walked in the restaurant so unfortunately my answers weren’t that insightful.

Interviewer: ”What do you love most about Vietnamese Hotpot?”

Me: Ummmm. I don’t know, I’ve never had it before…

Classic awkward traveler moment. Either way it’s going to make for some captivating tv!

It pains me to admit it, but I was beat up by a nine year old street kid in Cambodia. There I said it…feels good to get that off my chest! He was peddaling bootleg copies of Lonely Planet and other travel classics. I kindly refused and got a fist in the face. We’ll thats not entirely true I did egg him on a bit…

Me: No thanks! I don’t need any books…
Street Kid: Why not?! You’re stinky!
Me: No you are!
Street Kid: Fine, but after you leave this resturant you’re dead! (makes a throat slitting motion with his hand)
Me: Oh I’m really scared…
Street kid: Your going to have two black eyes. One here and one here
Me: I’d like to see you try!

And thats when I got whopped in the face… Needless to say I’m ashamed and embarresed. To add insult to injury another group of street hoodlums called me a ladyboy the very same evening and proceeded to point and laugh at me all night. A guy just can’t catch a break…