Munich. The capital of Bavaria. It’s a gorgeous city of grand boulevards, meticulous public gardens, and the one place in the world where dressing like a cartoon shepherd is considered high fashion. It’s a city that takes its tradition, its efficiency, and its giant soft pretzels very seriously.
The Vibe: Controlled Enthusiasm and Beautiful Cars
Munich is wealthy, clean, and runs like a beautiful, well-oiled machine, usually one made by BMW. It has the grandeur of a capital city but the friendly, slightly boisterous heart of a large village. You will feel slightly messy next to the locals, who all seem to wear plaid and have excellent posture. But don’t worry, under the neat exterior, they are just as excited about pretzels and pork knuckles as you are. The key is to blend in by adhering strictly to the pedestrian traffic signals, even if nothing is coming.
Must-Do Awkward Adventures
- The Glockenspiel Stand-Off: Every day at Marienplatz (the main square), the famous Glockenspiel in the New Town Hall performs a little show of spinning figures. Tourists gather in droves to look up.
- Your Mission: Get there early. Feel deeply uncomfortable standing in a giant, open square, staring at a clock for 15 minutes while trying to look at your phone discreetly. When the figures finally start moving, you will feel obligated to cheer. The Awkward Moment: Clapping politely while realizing the entire crowd is made up of people awkwardly holding up their phones to record. Try to discreetly leave the crowd without making eye contact with anyone who saw you get there 30 minutes too early.
- The Great Hall Initiation: The famous Hofbräuhaus (and other similar halls) are loud, massive, and deeply traditional eating establishments. You must go for the atmosphere alone.
- Your Mission: You will be seated at a large, communal table, likely with strangers. Order a giant soft pretzel (Brezel) and a plate of something intimidatingly large (like a Schweinshaxe—pork knuckle, or Weisswurst—white sausage). The Awkward Part? Trying to finish the massive pretzel, which is roughly the size of your face, without getting salt all over the table, and attempting to chop up the enormous meal without it shooting off your plate. If you order the Weisswurst, remember the highly specific local rule that the sausage should not hear the midday chimes, leading to a mild sense of urgency and highly focused chewing.
- Surfing in the Park (and the Surfer Judgment): The Eisbach Wave in the Englischer Garten is a river surfing spot that runs through the middle of the city’s main park. It is truly bizarre and utterly German.
- Your Mission: Go watch the surfers. It’s free entertainment and a perfect people-watching spot. Stand on the bridge and look at the people in wetsuits shredding a river wave next to a bridge, completely ignoring the massive city around them. The Awkward Feeling: Realizing you are being judged by the stone-faced, very cool surfers for how slowly you are walking or how touristy your camera is. Just keep staring at the wave. Then walk away and tell everyone you know that you saw people surfing in a German city park, because no one will believe you.
Final Awkward Wisdom: Munich is the kind of city that requires a delicate balance: be efficient enough to catch the train, but be relaxed enough to enjoy the massive halls and the huge portions of food. And if you see a local wearing lederhosen, just accept that they look better in leather shorts than you do.